Virginia Satir once said: “Communication is to relationship what breathing is to maintaining life”. In other words, effective communication skills are essential for success. Effective communication is about conveying your messages to other people clearly and unambiguously and ensuring that these messages are received with a little or no distortion. In this article, I will share with you the 20 “Don’ts” of communication.

1. Do not interrupt. Let them talk

2. Do not scream. Stay calm and match their tone of voice. This is will help in building rapport.

3. Do not overreact. Focus your attention on the outcome

4. Do not complain. Talk to the right person and solve the problem

5. Do not assume that you know how people feel and what they want. Ask them.

6. Do not assume that people know how you feel and what you want. Tell them.

7. Do not be sarcastic. Respect their opinion.

8. Do not insult or criticize anyone. Talk to them in private and in a mature manner

9. Do not argue. Listen, then explain your point of view

10. Do not threaten to fire anyone if you are in a position of authority. You will get a negative response in the long run

11. Do not be negative. Be more open to suggestions.

12. Do not talk too much or lecture people. They had enough lectures at school! Let them participate

13. Do not take sides. Be a good mediator and help them solve their own problems.

14. Do not blame anyone. Accept your responsibilities as a leader and work on the solution.

15. Do not walk away when someone talks to you. Stay and listen or mention a time when you will be available

16. Do not use generalizations such as “always”, “never”, “all”… as these words make you sound untruthful. Be more specific.

17. Do not use words like “should”, “must”. Replace them with “when” and “how”.

18. Do not use the following four negative words:

• But: it cancels everything that was said before. Use “And” instead
• Why: searches for reasons instead of solutions. Replace it with  “What”
• If: projects uncertainty and implies rules. Replace it with “When”
• Try: it implies that you are not fully committed. Replace “I will try” with “I will do…”

19. Do not put people down. Praise them instead

20. Do not be insensitive to people’s personal problems. Show them concern and understanding.

In the next post, I will share with you the 10 “Do’s” of communication. Until then, assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

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